top five thanksgiving guests

5. the person with the secret everyone knows about (i.e. gay cousin mike)
4. the new boyfriend/girlfriend that won't last (i.e. the guy they met at the club 3 weeks ago, and it's love)
3. the super old grandparent (i.e. oma)
2. the unimpressed aunt (asks you what you do these days, and when you answer, they respond with an unimpressed head nod)
1. the dieting relative (only eats protein like turkey.... with a shit load of gravy)

Top 5 Movie Titles you can replace with the word Anus

1)Romancing the Anus
2)Hunt for Red Anus
3)Big Trouble in Little Anus
4)Sound of Anus
5)Journey into the Center of the Anus

Top 5 Thanksgiving events I'm not looking forward to

1) Driving six hours one way with my mom, dad, and two dogs that get car sick in the rain up the 101.

2) Having to tell everyone what my brother is doing while they assume im still 19, I still live at home, smoke weed all day and am"still figuring out what path [i'm] gonna take."

3) My dad getting into a fist fight with his hillbilly, okie, white trash brother in law. (This guy is a real asshole. Last fight that broke out, both my mom and my 91 year old granddad got a swing in on the guy before I folded him in half and crammed him into a car).

4) Explaining where my girlfriend is. ("oh she's great! really happy now! we broke up about a year ago because I was neglectful and neurotic while i was finishing my thesis... oh, you didnt know i went to grad school?" conversation once again turns to my brother..."oh yeah... Decker is finishing up his dissertation for his PHD, happily married and just bought a house on Skye")

5) The raging hangover I'll have friday morning after drinking my way through the first four events.

Top Five Thanksgiving Dishes

1. Green Bean Casserole
2. gravy, everywhere
3. Stuffing, sans raisins
4. Pumpkin pie
5. Beer

top 5 at-will powers attributed to my new Dn'D character, Thunderstroke:

5. ghost sound
4. prestidigitation
3. light
2. cloud of daggers
1. mage hand

Top 5 unitentionally funny people

1) Mike Tyson

2) Gary Busey

3)Andy Ralph

4)George W. Bush (too soon? maybe in 50 years we can look back at this whole situation and slap a knee. or kick the dog. )

5)And finally to keep it republican: Sarah Palin.

i know, i know, there are hundreds and hundreds of these. feel free to help me out.

Top 5 Universal Truths

1. It's gravitational pull, not love, that makes the world go round.
2. It's always funny to see a guy eating a banana.
3. There are 2 types of people who wear sunglasses indoors, blind people and assholes.
4. At the end of every party, there is a girl crying.
5. Driving through a tunnel makes you feel kind of excited.