top five thanksgiving guests

5. the person with the secret everyone knows about (i.e. gay cousin mike)
4. the new boyfriend/girlfriend that won't last (i.e. the guy they met at the club 3 weeks ago, and it's love)
3. the super old grandparent (i.e. oma)
2. the unimpressed aunt (asks you what you do these days, and when you answer, they respond with an unimpressed head nod)
1. the dieting relative (only eats protein like turkey.... with a shit load of gravy)

Top 5 Movie Titles you can replace with the word Anus

1)Romancing the Anus
2)Hunt for Red Anus
3)Big Trouble in Little Anus
4)Sound of Anus
5)Journey into the Center of the Anus

Top 5 Thanksgiving events I'm not looking forward to

1) Driving six hours one way with my mom, dad, and two dogs that get car sick in the rain up the 101.

2) Having to tell everyone what my brother is doing while they assume im still 19, I still live at home, smoke weed all day and am"still figuring out what path [i'm] gonna take."

3) My dad getting into a fist fight with his hillbilly, okie, white trash brother in law. (This guy is a real asshole. Last fight that broke out, both my mom and my 91 year old granddad got a swing in on the guy before I folded him in half and crammed him into a car).

4) Explaining where my girlfriend is. ("oh she's great! really happy now! we broke up about a year ago because I was neglectful and neurotic while i was finishing my thesis... oh, you didnt know i went to grad school?" conversation once again turns to my brother..."oh yeah... Decker is finishing up his dissertation for his PHD, happily married and just bought a house on Skye")

5) The raging hangover I'll have friday morning after drinking my way through the first four events.

Top Five Thanksgiving Dishes

1. Green Bean Casserole
2. gravy, everywhere
3. Stuffing, sans raisins
4. Pumpkin pie
5. Beer

top 5 at-will powers attributed to my new Dn'D character, Thunderstroke:

5. ghost sound
4. prestidigitation
3. light
2. cloud of daggers
1. mage hand

Top 5 unitentionally funny people

1) Mike Tyson

2) Gary Busey

3)Andy Ralph

4)George W. Bush (too soon? maybe in 50 years we can look back at this whole situation and slap a knee. or kick the dog. )

5)And finally to keep it republican: Sarah Palin.

i know, i know, there are hundreds and hundreds of these. feel free to help me out.

Top 5 Universal Truths

1. It's gravitational pull, not love, that makes the world go round.
2. It's always funny to see a guy eating a banana.
3. There are 2 types of people who wear sunglasses indoors, blind people and assholes.
4. At the end of every party, there is a girl crying.
5. Driving through a tunnel makes you feel kind of excited.

Top 5 Anime Films

1. Spirited Away
2. Ghost in the Shell
3. Akira
4. Ninja Scroll
5. Tekkon Kinkreet

Top 5 Angst and Yearning Albums

1. Jimmy Eat World- "Clarity"
2. Elliot Smith- "Either/Or"
3. Pedro the Lion- "It's Hard to Find a Friend"
4. Radiohead- "The Bends"
5. Danny Elfman's Edward Scissorhands soundtrack

top 5 weapons

5. Glock 17
4. Avtomat Kalashnikova obraztsa 1947 goda
3. Barrett M82 Special Application Scoped Rifle
2. AH-64 Apache
1. FIRESTRIKE laser

top 5 cute things.

5. puppies
4. kittens
3. babies
2. polar bears
1. koala bears

top 5 Temptations-related tragedies.

5. The death of Otis William's son, Lamont (1983).
4. The "accidental" overdose of David Ruffin (1991).
3. Eddie Kendricks - Taken from us by lung cancer (1992).
2. The fatally self-inflicted gun shot wound of Paul Williams (1973).
1. The Melvin Franklin brain seizure in his mama's kitchen (1995).

Top 5 movies

5. Clueless

4. Best in Show

3. The Jerk

2. Princess Bride

1. Dumb & Dumber

My top 5 funniest Movies

1) Time Bandits

2) The Big Lebowski

3) Young Frankenstein

4) The King of Comedy

5) Police Academy 4 (it was good when I was 10. I havent seen it since)

top 5 things you never ever want to hear

1. your baby is ugly
2. it's syphilis
3. the condom broke
4. the donor backed out
5. you are the father

my top 5 favorite funny movies

1. big daddy
2. friday
3. clueless
4. anchorman
5. wedding crashers

Top 5 Songs That Get Me Hype

5) Method Man- "Bring the Pain"

4) The Arcade Fire - "Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)

3) Nine Inch Nails- "Everyday is Exactly the Same"

2) NOFX- "Linoleum"

1) Dizzee Rascal- "Fix up, Look sharp"

My 5 movies

5) Superbad
4) The Three Amigos
3) Swingers (and Made - same movie almost, in my mind)
2) Dumb and Dumber
1) It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (CLASSIC!!)

top 5 funny movies

5. superbad
4. 40 year old virgin
3. forgetting sarah marshall
2. monty python and the holy grail
1. the meaning of life

Top 5 Things things that brought me into my sexuality

1. R. Kelly's "12 Play" album
2. The Benny Hill Show
3. The poster of Janet Jackson topless and some guy holding her boobs.
4. Topanga from Boy Meets World
5. Junior High dances

Top 5 Funniest Movies

1. National Lampoon's European Vacation
2. Coming to America
3. Dumb and Dumber
4. Spies Like Us
5. Animal House

*I just saw Role Models and I thought it was hilarious.  It's up there, but to be in my top 5 , the movie has to have some longevity and still be funny like 10-15 years down the road

Top 5 Funny Movies, and a request.

Request is for all posters to do their Top Five Funniest Movies. I'm curious how much overlap there will be...
1. Superbad
2. The Big Lebowski
3. Safe Men
4. Swingers
5. Mallrats

Top 5 wierdest dreams I can remember right now.

(First three were linked together last night)

1) I owe a guy named Jeff who plays center for George and Erics basketball team some money and im wandering all over Oakland trying to find him.

2) Im riding my bike at night across the moon or near the moon or something then somehow;

3) Im a flying jar of Furukake (asian seasoning) flying over a city (Im not joking here. It was really really weird. I made stir fry last night).

4) Im hunting in a Lake with my friend Randys dad and there are Moose swimming around us, and we were trying to find somwhere to camp. We started to set up camp in the water. (I've never been hunting, I cant say whether I would really want to either, but I will go fishing here and again).

5) Im swimming at night with a bunch of Bat Rays at the bottom of the ocean with this giant yellow spotlight shining around. (I had this one when I was a kid. It was pretty cool because i was breathing under water, but actually, I wasnt breathing very well and I woke up either intentionally holding my breath or having stopped breathing or something).

Top 5 Wishes

1) That leprechauns were real
2) I had the ability to transport
3) Ice cream didn't upset my stomach
4) (nice) Grandparents lived forever
5) World Peace

top 5 xbox live arcade games

5. pac-man championship edition
4. braid
3. geometry wars
2. carcassone
1. geometry wars 2

Top 5 Arcade Games

5)Galaga

4)Mortal Kombat 2

3)NBA Jam T.E.

2)Killer Instinct

1)Street Fighter II

Top Five Arcade Games

1. Arkanoid
2. Pac-Man
3. Galaga
4. Altered Beast
5. Street Figher II

top 5 reasons i stopped posting here

5. i kinda forgot about it
4. gears of war 2
3. work has been awesome since that one chick quit.
2. gears of war 2
1. i go into anaphylactic shock every time i see clarke's face.

Top 5 Nintendo Games I Loved Playing

5) SkyKid
4) Mike Tyson's Punch Out
3) Ninja Gaiden
2) T&C Surf
1) Super Mario Brothers 3

Top 5 Best Sports Uniforms

5) Chicago Blackhawks
4) Japanese national soccer team
3) Charlotte Hornets (circa 1992)
2) New Zealand All Blacks
1) San Diego Chargers throwback powder blues

Top 5 Worst Deaths

5) Decapitation
4) Drowning
3) Bone cancer
2) Burning alive
1) Gang rape

Top 5 Surprises about living in Portland

5. the ratio of 1:6 people living off food stamps (EBT: Oregon Trail)

4. the abundance of tater tots ("tots" were first created in Ontario, OR)

3. sunset at 4pm (just bought a sunlamp)

3. women with beards (not unusual to hear lesbians taking testosterone)

1. being an unemployed nurse (I'm going on 4 months and counting)

Top 5 Scariest things i heard today

1) "DAMN DUDE! CAN I TAKE A PICTURE OF THAT THING?"
"uh... ok... (as i walk towards the bathroom mirror to look at my face) lets sEEAAHH OH GOD!"

2) "Ok... everything looks ok here with your insurance except you're not covered in this hospital and your going to have to pay out of pocket."

3) "Im going to send you over to a specialist he wants to see you immediately."

4) "Im going to take a culture of that..." (as he crams a q tip the entire depth of the head into my face)

5) "Take the next 2 days off work (good news), because if you dont take care of this im gonna admit you to the hospital with a drip antibiotic (bad news)."

this is a lump of infection pushing its way out of my face.

Top 5 Worst Feelings (before)

1. You just rolled your ankle.
2. You are about to throw up.
3. Watching any scene of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
4. Jumping in the shower and realize you left your towel in the other room, and you have guests over.
5. That moment when your alarm goes off and you debate whether to hit the snooze or get up.  And by the time you've made your decision, you have to get up anyway.

Top 5 Feelings (after)

The feeling after:
1) A long run / intense workout
2) A hearty meal
3) A hearty deification
4) A warm shower
5) A rejuvenating nap

*The feelings after brushing your teeth and shaving can also be included within the warm shower.

Top 5 Must Eats at Must Eat Places After the Bar

5. A corn dog and onion rings at the dodgy drive-in stand in east Oakland that George brings me to. On the occasions I've been, I have been both happy with my meal and also have feared for my life.

4. Lugsilog at Lourde's in National City. Be sure to bring a person of filipino heritage if you want prompt and expediant service. Also beware of skanky middle aged filipino women and black navy sailors.

3. A California Burrito at any Santana's Mexican Food locations. No explanation needed. Probably the best burrito I have ever had. Has been there for me when my ex-girlfriend's broke up with me.

2. Deep fried macaroni and cheese triangles at Holman's. One of Portland's don't sleep joints. It's the only place I know that has this. It's so good. But it's so bad because it's just down the street from my house.

1. Breakfast Burritos filled with hashbrown sticks at Del Taco. This has been a post-bar staple for me and my roommates for over 4 years. We have had many deep, endearing, drunken conversations in the del taco parking lot while chopping these bad boys down. It's more nostalgia than anything.

Top 5 Amy Grant songs (pre-Baby Baby "secular" album)

5. El-Shaddai

4. Find a Way

3. Lead Me On

2. Ageless Medley

1. Love Has Come

Top 5 SNL quotes I wake up saying

1. "with my by myself"
2. "I saw a boat and I liked it"
3. "ahh, must be your cooking Mary Poppins"
4. "say hello to your Motha for me"
5. "Is that bad do du du do"

Top 5 Videos of the Day

5.
4.
3.
2.
null - Watch more free videos
1.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Top 5 animals that SEEM like good pets

1) Koala Bears
2) Penguins
3) Prairie Dogs
4) Panda Bears
5) Dolphins

Top 5 most painful places I've had a zit

5) The inside of my right nostril. I thought my face was going to explode. it didnt. not my whole face anyway, just the eraser sized white head peeking out from my nostril.

4) The edge of my lip. I dont remember specifically when the last time I had one of these little buggers show up, but they're always an unwanted/ unwelcome guest.

3) The one under my mustache. not much i can do about this little asshole. hurts like hell and i cant even see it.

2) Inner thigh. I've had these immobilize me for days.

1) My eyelid. This was horrible. So horrible in fact that I had to lance it. Think about this for a second. I had an EYELASH follicle get infected so badly that I had to heat up a needle and jamb it into the thinnest piece of skin right next to my eye ball and squeeze an inordinate amount of puss out of it (where was it being stored? my eyelid is the thinnest part of my body). Good times.

top 5 nickelodeon shows EVAR

5. avatar the last airbender
4. dexter's laboratory
3. spongebob squarepants
2. ren and stimpy
1. you can't do that on television

Top 5 Questions Asked in an All Male Dorm

1. "Who's on boner patrol?"
2. "Dude, did you eat my Ramen?"
3. "Dude, can I borrow your beard trimmer?" (you later notice the same amount of facial hair on your friend and pubes all over the bathroom tile)
4. "Dude, you want to grab a burrito? Cool. Can you drive?"
5. "Dude, can you turn it down?" (asked by Clarke Forrest only wearing a medium purple turtleneck, socks and a just woke up groggy state)

Top 5 songs on Guitar Praise - Solid Rock

Yes, yes - this is Christendom's answer to the secular and albeit unholy Guitar Hero. Now, homeschoolers have their answer to all of the "cool stuff that those other kids have."

5. The Crucified - "The Pit" (Atleast they have a decent Christian Metal song...)

4. Caedmons Call - "There You Go" (If you've spent ANY time with a CCM [Contemporary Christian Music] fan you know this song...)

3. Israel & New Breed - "All Around" (Haven't heard this one but I'm REALLY hoping this is ska; in the vein of the OC Supertones... )

2. Petra - "Backsliding Blues" (It's the Christian answer to 80's Van Halen)

1. dc Talk - "Jesus Freak" (Yep, it had to be...)

Read all about it here: http://blog.wired.com/music/2008/11/hallelujah-digi.html

Top 5 rainy day tracks.

1. The Wind \ Cat Stevens

2. Don't Go Out Into the Rain \ Laurie Lindeen

3. Stolen Moments \ Oliver Nelson

4. Earth (The Driver) \ Southern Lord

5. Sleep A Million Years \ Dia Joyce, Vetiver cover

Top 5 signs you're still figuring out post-grad

1. Joining the Peace Corps still sounds like a legitimate plan.

2. You just upgraded your Netflix from 4-at-a-time to 8-at-a-time unlimited.

3. You eat cold cuts for dinner regularly. 

4. You can't be reached cause your phones turned off.

5. You have a degree in Philosophy. 

Top 5 Excuses for not going to the pub middle of the week

1. I don't wanna sleep on your couch.

2. I'm democratic: the group says no. 

3. I'm at work.

4. I have makers + kettle at home.

5. I took nyquil. it's too late. 

top 5 free giveaways on election day

1. krispy kreme
2. ben and jerry's ice cream
3. starbucks
4. chic-fil-a
5. haircuts (not really free, more so discounted)

Top 5 ways to crap up your stuff

1) Fruit Stickers. Those of you who've seen my other blog know that this is one of my favorites. They can make anything look like you found it in a parking lot.

2) Duct Tape. The thing about duct tape is that if you see something with duct tape on it, it means that the owner doesnt have the know how or common sense to fix it properly. HUGE theft deterrent.

3) Bailing wire or string. Bailing wire is far crappier than string. I especially like it when its begun to rust. Makes you think you're gonna get tetanus so it takes things a step further from crappy to dangerous.

4) Soap Scum. I remember all of my friend Jimmy Leary's star wars toys had soap scum on them because he played with them in the bathtub. I was always weary of actually touching them.

5) DISASSEMBLE. Go ahead and take it apart. Putting it back together is kind of optional. Have you ever seen a house with someone on meth living there? Well I certainly have, and talk about crapped up through disassembling. I grew up a few miles from Lakeside which was the meth capital of the world for a while. After taking apart their cars, pulling the copper pipes and wire out of their houses becomes a priority.

Top 5 Albums That Get Heavy Rotation When I Do Cardio

1. Ghostface Killah- "Ironman"
2. Battles- "Mirrored"
3. Mastadon- "Leviathan"
4. Girl Talk- "Feed the Animals"
5. Desparecidos- "Read Music/Speak Spanish"

top 5 faves on flickr

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

top 5 costumes i saw lastnight

1. ali g (very realistic portrayal)
2. girl in assless chaps... i think she was a cop... or a cowboy, couldn't tell
3. eddie murphy from coming to america
4. alvin from alvin and the chipmunks
5. eazy e

Top 5 uninvited guests to my house this year

1. My neighbor's dog Sandy, she gets in somehow
2. The Quest guys - came twice this year.
3. JW's. They came over four times.
4. A fundraiser for the DNC, a fundraiser for some climate thing, a fundraiser for homosexuals, and some guy selling suckers for the homeless. He doesn't have a price, you get to pay however much you want.
5. Those guys who say they want to give you a "free consultation" about how to insulate your house more efficiently but are really inviting themselves over for a high pressure sale for new windows.

Top 5 things to do on a cold and cloudy Sat Morning

1. Sleep In.
2. Sit in a coffee shop.
3. Cook a ridiculously large breakfast.
4. Listen to "Wait Wait" or "Prairie Home Companion" on the radio.
5. Drink something very hot in a large mug.

Top 5 Costumes I Saw Tonight

1. 2pac and Biggie (together)
2. Destro from G.I. Joe
3. Gonzo from The Muppets
4. Tank Girl
5. A guy holding a baby doll whom I asked what he was, he would proceed to drop the doll on the floor and stomp on it's head and reply, "Abortion"